Origins

Where I came from: Family of 2 kids raised by mother and grandmother

Who they were: Both overweight. And most everyone else in my family that is over 40 is also overweight. None of them have ever "lost the weight" despite some attempts. My mother was anorexic when she was pretty young and always instilled a fear in me about not eating enough.

What they passed on:
When I was young I was told "eat until you're full, and then some. Stretch your stomach."
I know this was not an intentional attempt to pass on bad habits. It was probably the same as "two more bites" or "eat your vegetables." However, I have carried this mentality my whole life. If I am not "full and then a little" I don't feel done.

There was also a lot of praise around being able to eat a lot. When I was in 3rd grade I would brag to my friends about how much I could eat. The biggest steak and Denny's, mashed potato, and fries. In my mind I was the skinny girl that could eat anything I wanted. I imagined supermodels stuffing their faces with crispy french fries between photo shoots.

And there was a lot of pressure not to be too thin. In high school, even when I felt like I was getting a little chubby, my mom would consistently say "You are looking really thin, don't get too skinny." So I have always had this fear of getting too thin. When I would look in the mirror and think I looked too skinny I would panic a little and eat some more. I feel like my family would be happy for me if I put on 30 lbs, but terrified if I lost 10 lbs.

Where do you come from? What are those tapes that play in your head?

("tapes" for those youngin's reading this are how we used to listen to audio recordings ;)